Why Affirmations Feel Fake and What to Try Instead

Why Affirmations Feel Fake and What to Try Instead

Have you ever stood in front of the mirror, repeating, “I am a confident, unstoppable force of nature,” and thought, “Yeah right, who am I kidding?” 🙋‍♀️🙋‍♂️ Don’t worry, you’re not alone! Sometimes affirmations can feel like they're straight out of a make-believe world. But why is that, and what can we do about it? Let’s dive in!

Why Do Affirmations Feel Fake?

  1. Cognitive Dissonance 🤯 When your brain hears something that doesn't match up with what it truly believes, it throws a mini tantrum. It’s like telling yourself, “I love running marathons,” when the closest you’ve ever gotten to running is a sprint to catch the ice cream truck.

  2. Unrealistic Expectations 🏰 Affirmations that are too grand or over-the-top can feel like fairy tales. If you’re struggling with self-esteem, saying “I am the most amazing person in the universe” might feel as believable as finding a unicorn in your backyard.

  3. Lack of Emotional Connection 🧊 If the affirmation doesn’t resonate with you on an emotional level, it’s just words. It’s like trying to feel cozy from a picture of a blanket rather than wrapping yourself up in the real thing.

  4. Repetition Without Belief 🦜 Parroting phrases without truly believing them or understanding their meaning makes affirmations about as effective as telling a joke to a brick wall.

According to Psychology Today, affirmations can sometimes backfire, leading to even more negative feelings if they are too contradictory to our current self-view (Psychology Today)​ What to Try Instead.

So, what’s a better approach to building a positive mindset? Here are some alternatives that feel more real and effective:

  1. Incremental Positive Statements 🌱 Start small and build up. Instead of “I am super confident,” try “I’m learning to be more confident every day.” Baby steps, folks!

  2. Self-Compassion Statements 💖 Be kind to yourself. Replace “I’m perfect” with “It’s okay to be imperfect. I’m doing my best.” A little self-love goes a long way.

  3. Evidence-Based Affirmations 📜 Base your affirmations on things you’ve actually done. Instead of “I am a great speaker,” go with “I handled that presentation well, and I’m getting better at speaking in public.”

  4. Mindfulness and Acceptance 🧘‍♀️ Practice mindfulness. Accept where you are right now without judgment. “I accept myself as I am today” can be incredibly powerful.

  5. Gratitude Practice 🌟 Focus on what you’re thankful for. Jot down a few things you’re grateful for each day. It shifts your mindset to a positive place naturally.

  6. Values-Based Statements 🎯 Tie your affirmations to your core values. Instead of “I am rich,” try “I am dedicated to improving my financial health.”

  7. Visualizations 🖼️ Visualize positive outcomes and experiences. Create a mental movie of your success story—it can be more impactful than just words.

Positive Psychology highlights how using affirmations correctly can boost your mindset, but also emphasizes the importance of alternative practices like gratitude and mindfulness (Psychology Today)​​ (Psychology Today)​’s Keep It Real

Affirmations aren’t magic spells, but with a few tweaks, they can be part of your toolkit for a better mindset. Next time you feel like a positive statement is a bit make-believe, switch it up to something that feels more real and watch the magic happen!

Join the Conversation

What’s one small step you’re taking today to boost your mindset? Drop a comment below—we’d love to hear from you! 

Sources:

  1. Psychology Today - Affirmations: 5 Reasons They Can Backfire
  2. Positive Psychology - How to Use Positive Affirmations: Examples and Benefits
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